Oh, Jody.. Your presence haunts me today, but in such charming ways. The timing is always so significant with us. You warned me long ago that whomever died first must haunt the other for life. It’s so funny thinking about it now. My Brother in Christ, my black magic preacher, or otherwise known as “Gourd Head”. The time we spent together was truly the happiest we’ve ever been in our lives. Together, the world was ours to rule.
Our house still lingers with your presence. It brings a tear to my eye when I walk through the door, and the memories unfold. I know you’d be absolutely tickled to see what I’ve accomplished for us. I’ve often considered the bracelet I had with lettered beads, spelling the acronym “W.W.J.D.?”. We used to joke and say it meant “What Would Jody Do?”. I still often read your letters. I think about the future we were supposed to have. The notes and little doodles from AA meetings, where we sat holding hands and finding pennies on the ground. The ghost of you still lives within me. The shooting stars that watched over us on those late nights on top of the mountain, still burn so brightly, holding onto our wishes as they circumnavigate the universe. Sitting here listening to peculiar music, thinking “Jody would like this..”.
I still so fondly remember Open Mic Night where you got up on stage to sing, and was asked to introduce yourself. When you asked the crowd to “guess”, I screamed from the back “PASTOR AND AUTO PART SALESMAN!!!!!” and you laughed so hard you almost couldn’t sing. I wonder if YaYa still had that tag on her collar? Or where she is now. Black Magic Dog of Jody Ballew; Pastor and Auto Part Salesman. I got that little blue truck runnin. I could hardly turn a wrench on it, knowing your hands were the last to be there. Every day, a memory burns in my mind. I remember our first Waffle House date, where the drag queen waiter believed we had been together a lifetime, though we hardly knew each other. The double owls flew above us in synchronicity, and we recognized the powerful omen it represented.
My love, I still see you in every sunrise. At times, a man with your face will sit across the diner watching me quietly. You always told me you were a shapeshifter. Maybe that’s your form of true freedom. I wanna smoke your cigarettes and put gum on your dash lol. But most of all, our sacred ancient tree will forever hold the shape of our sigils. (Yes, the one you pissed on lol). Two wolves howling at the moon, and digging in the cool Georgia clay at the old family orchard. The first time I brought you to the sacred tree, you fell to your knees and cried. We cried together. In a past lifetime, we met at this ancient tree. Our souls ignited something in each other. Jody, my love. I will fight to find you in every lifetime. I am forever yours. Our tragic love story will live on. It’s the greatest masterpiece we’ve ever created. That, and the almost “Big headed lil Juany”. What were the others? Tallulah, Ophelia, and another. Powerful and mysterious. Snake Church, Hillbilly Hoodoo, and the Story of Snail Holler. Signed, Your Hillbilly Hoodoo woman, your queen, your “wolfmother”, and forever your wife. 44:88